Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
