he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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