Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
