I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
