"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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