Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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