Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
