Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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