Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
