The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
