I think I died a long time ago.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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