Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
