just survived the first fart of the relationship.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
