More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it hurts more in the daytime
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
