i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
