This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
