You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just google imaged poop.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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