Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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