apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
