There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
