My sheets look like a crime scene.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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