He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
