repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
