Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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