I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
