party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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