you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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