Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
