If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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