he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
