ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
