I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
