He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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