I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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