i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
