I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
