Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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