I accidentally burped into my bong.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
