After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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