Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
