Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
