Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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