wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you had me at cake vodka
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
