I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
