the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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