Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
