So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The uberlube is also flammable
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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