That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i drank out of a bidet.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
