I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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