dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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