I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I puked a lego.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
